The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee : Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self- Reliant Children. Wendy Mogel

This book had some similar themes as The Price of Privilege. Notable points include:

Ø “Achievement by proxy syndrome” in which she refers to parents using their children’s achievements as a reflection of themselves and even “parents who don’t use their children as a hedge against existential fears or a badge of their own worth can find it hard not to succumb to the fever of competition” (p. 42)

Ø She reminds us of that in Hebrew there is no verb for possession and that “yesh li” actually means ‘there for me’ and so are children are a “precious loan and each one has a unique path toward serving God. Our job is to help them find out what it is”. (p. 43)

Ø Mogel encourages us to think of our children who come to as a seed in a packet without directions. We have no idea what type of flower they will be but we can nurture them and accept their differences and they will bloom when they are ready.

Ø Respecting your parents and elders is also important and included in the Fifth Commandment.

Ø Raising hardy children is accomplished by withdrawing from “smoothing their path and satisfying all of their wishes” as children mature. They need to stumble a bit and learn how to “withstand the bumps and knocks of life”. This will allow them to grow into self-resilient and self-reliant adults (p. 93)

Ø The media- Moderation is the key. Mogel warns parents not to “make fun of the form or content” of their shows but to be an “enchanted spectator”. (p. 103)

Ø Raising your children to leave you: “In the book Leviticus, God warns us not to put a stumbling block before the blind. Keeping too close an eye on children is a stumbling block. If they don’t have the chance to be bad, they can’t choose to be good. If they don’t have the chance to fail they can’t learn”. (p. 108)

Ø Wants: “Parents cannot and should not try to eliminate longing in a child. Instead, we must teach our children how to redirect their longings, accept ‘no’ graciously, and appreciate the blessings they do have.” (p. 118)

Ø Chores matter.

Ø Create a peaceful environment for eating.

Ø Recognizing your child’s worst behavior as her greatest strength.

· Stubborn/ whining = persistent

· Complaining = discerning

· Overeating= lusty

· Argumentative= forthright & outspoken

· Loud = exuberant

· Shy = cautious & modest

· Reckless/accident prone = daring and adventurous

· Bossy = commanding and authoritative

· Picky, nervous, obsessive = serious & detail oriented

Ø Find uninterrupted time together as a family

Ø Let them be bored. “treat daydreaming and fooling around as valuable activities. Being messy, noisy, silly, goofy and vegging out are as essential to the development of your child’s mind and spirit as anything else he does.” (p. 229)

I personally am reminded of the necessity of recognizing who our children really are, as well as working as parents and teachers to allow our children to experience some bumps along the way. Whereas I know that as a parent my goal is to give them “roots and wings”, as what Mogel refers to as our children being a “precious loan”, I know in my heart it is hard to picture them independent of me and maybe living far away. I already dwell on the fact that my oldest only has four years left before college. After reading this book, as well as the others I read, I am reminded of the true need for my children to be independent, as well as the means to get there. Of course this means making sure they can stand up for themselves, feel confident that they can solve some of their own problems and trust themselves to make decisions. I assume Eric and I will continue to plow through this!

I definitely recognize some areas where we are a little lax in this house. My children can interrupt both Eric and I without a thought and they think our bathroom is theirs (of which I am now working on enforcing some distinction). I don’t think the author would approve of my teenager calling his dad “Boss Man”, but I’m not going to change that as over the summer it has evolved as an endearment to both of them. We will have to work on “Honoring thy mother and father” a bit more around here.

I can say we do have a peaceful environment for dinner. I have always wanted this to be a pleasant time so we keep problem discussions for later. However, at my home we definitely need to expect more from our children in the form of chores and I am really hoping to step this up this year. For our family this will mean laying expectations at the start of the school year because, as soon as we start the cycle , I have a hard time making changes. I really hope I can establish a good chore routine this year. Frankly, aside from the importance for them to have them, I need the help around the house and as this book reminds me- I can’t underestimate their abilities.

Finally, the remarks referring to accepting the media in moderation resonated well with me. For me, having a teenager who watches shows on the mature side , some of which I tell my son are a little “cheesy” , make me more fond of shows my younger son watches like Phineas and Ferb, and Wizards of Waverly Place!

Mogel reminds me as both a parent and a teacher to really look at our children and discover their interests, talents, and weaknesses. Only once we recognize these can we then work to help our children “bloom”. I know at home Eric and I have much to work on. Professionally, I feel so privileged to work at Williams where we work as a whole as a faculty to really watch our students to discover their strengths, interests, and weaknesses. In my seven years at Williams I have always marveled at the number of faculty conversations concerning the best interest of a student I have been a part of.

As a parent, I chuckled upon reading Mogels point of recognizing your child’s “worst behavior as his greatest strength”. Three for three I have have a host of “areas for improvement”. Eric and I have a child whom we have always called our “loudest child”, and I’m not kidding when I say loud. Mogel tells me that this actually means “exuberant”. After this reading I remembered in first grade he received the class award of “Mayor of First Grade”. Achievement wise that is about where we stand and I could not be prouder.